... to pay my bills

It's been one of those weeks. Actually, in retrospect, it's been the same since January 13: the start of student teaching-- the start of working 70+ hours every week.

Thankfully the 70 hours is spread out between three jobs. And that's not even including being a student teacher for 40 of those hours (unpaid might I add!). I work at a preschool for 10 hours, a nursery for 4 hours every Sunday, and a desk job for 15 (all that money is put toward my school loans and I never see it). Then, on a good week I can bring in extra money by babysitting on the weekend nights.

Seriously. This is my life. Every week. I am starting to get overwhelmed and starting to realize I can't mentally and physically work 70 hours a week. Gosh, by the age of 23 I'm due for a heart attack. But there is no other option. Since when did life become so expensive?

Let me map out a month of bills for a struggling senior college student who has a full time unpaid teaching position.

      Rent: $300
      Utilities: $60-80 depending on temp outside
      Food: $70
      Car gas: $80
      Cell phone: $60
      Cat: $15 
      TOTAL: $525

How the hell am I able to live off that every month AND put money into a savings account like they recommend? And what about when something goes wrong? My car is a 1998... and she seems to be falling apart lately.

Even though I make $9.50 at the preschool and at the nursery, I still barely skim the surface of $450. I pray that I can get a few extra nights of babysitting jobs in that will help boost me to my minimum monthly rate. Without it, it's hard to say what I would do.

And yes, at 22, I pay for absolutely everything. It's hard, but you want to know a secret? It's beyond worth it. I've learned how to say goodbye to shopping at Target and enter the world of Walmart. I've learned to be frugal with what I have and savor the coffee I can buy when I'm lucky. I've learned how to be simple. And most importantly, I've learned to be thankful for what I have.

...to not be bitter

I've heard the expression "when you get in a romantic, committed relationship it's the cost of losing two friends." And that expression always means me.

Why should you have to lose any of your friends? It's called prioritizing your time and making room for growth. When you leave friends behind, you're shedding yourself from your identity and your past. You're shedding yourself from who you are and taking on this role that may not be your true self.

I get that there are always those sketchy friends you need to just "throw away," but I would really like to think I wasn't one of them. Cue my situation here.

My roommate and I have been friends since we were 16. We're 22 now, have lived together for 4 years and have been through A LOT of boy drama. And I seriously mean a lot-- given that we are young adults and are on our senior year of college. We have had our fair share.

Well, there always seems to be that one boy you keep going back to. . . and I get that. But what if that boy sucks away your personality and then replaces you with this non- opinionated, robotic, dull one instead? People say people change, and I fully believe that they do; however, I also believe that they are still going to be the underlining person you always fell in love with.

So that's the beginning of my story, and I feel stuck and bitter about the whole ordeal. Perhaps even more so because I had to find out my best friend/ roommate is dating her high school sweetheart again through the classic high school facebook post of "in a relationship with..." Thanks, friend. I'm also glad I had to find out through your mother then you tried to lie about the situation. That's helpful.